Women – Change Begins at Home
Disclaimer (Shayla Style): If this sounds like a rant, then it probably is a rant. I’m just that upset.
I saw something on one of my social networking feeds that caught my interest. It was showing a clip of a couple. The guy was average size and the female was plus-sized. Of course that caught my eye because I am a plus-size chick too. Now, I expected the clip to get a little bit deeper than what it did because of the caption, but it went deep enough to get me fuming!
So, this couple is on a TV show and the host asks what the major problem in the relationship is. They both respond her weight. The fact that this was the answer is not what is shocking to me; it’s the fact of how each one of them answered the question that brings me to this blog tonight.
The guy says that she should be happy that he is with her. He has dated prettier women than her and that she is lucky to be with him. She is the heaviest chick that he has ever dated and that should make her feel special. He reply to all of that was, “How do you think that makes me feel when I hear you say that?”
The female says…well, in my opinion, she really doesn’t say anything other than her reply to his response.
Now, I could get all huffy and puffy about what this man is saying about his soon-to-be wife(believe me, I am), but I cannot focus on him because I am not a dude. However, I can focus on this female.
I will eventually speak to all ladies, but I need my fellow plus-size divas to lend me their eyes for a few minutes. I don’t care what people say about you or about how you look, you are still beautiful and you deserve to be treated as such!
I wrote that I wanted to be an advocate for plus-size women on another blog site (http://knowing-shayla.blogspot.com/). I was serious about that because, in my opinion, we really don’t have that good of representation out there. Please know that I am not knocking the ladies that are out there in the public eye showing their size, but it’s not a lot. However, how can I be an advocate for you if you don’t see your own self-worth?! Now, I know that self-esteem is an issue with many of us because I battle that everyday myself. However, you also don’t see me being sluggish and not handling my business on a daily basis. Yes, I admit that it is hard being a plus-size woman in a seemingly skinny world, but I also make the best of it. You need to make the best of it too! Please know this though; making the best of it should not include you settling for someone that thinks that you should be happy just because you are on their arms. NO NO NO!!!
I’m more upset with that female because she is staying with him. I know that she may really love him, but I have to question his feelings for her if he keeps saying things like that to her. If he was willing to say that on national television, there is no telling what he is saying to her behind closed doors. I’m also upset because I didn’t see a support system for her there. Where was her family and friends? Maybe they were camera shy or just didn’t want to appear, but I need for someone close to her to tell her that this is emotional abuse that she is going through.
Ladies (and I’m talking to all of you now), we have got to start standing up for ourselves and our well-being because no one else is going to do it for us. If he is hurting your feelings and making you feel bad about yourself, please get some help. I’ve been there and I’m still climbing out of that hole. If he cannot appreciate you for how you look and accept the whole package that you come in, go find someone who can. There is someone for each one of us. It may not be who we thought that we would end up with, but that person will be the right person for us. Stop settling for the person that gives you attention. You are worth so much more than that!
Let me tell you why we are doing this, fellow plus-size divas. It’s because somewhere along the way, we heard it floating through the air that we were not going to get the person that we wanted because of how we looked. What do I mean by floating through the air? I mean magazines, TV, etc. We see the image of what a happy couple with 2.5 kids, a dog, a house, and a white picket fence looks like that the female is never anymore than a size 6. Please understand this when I say this but NONE of this is the reality anymore! The average female is a size 12 or 14, but you don’t see that because that is too big to be seen as a positive public figure. 2.5 kids was never correct because from my understanding, that is impossible. The house? Well, it was supposed to be the dream home but many people are experiencing the nightmare. The picket fence is faded. As for the dog? Well, that’s still possible.
To my voluptuous vixens, wait on the one that is going to want you for you. The one that is going to want all of you. The one that doesn’t complain about having sex with a thick chick (yes, that man said that about her). The one that is not ashamed to be seen out in public with you. The one that will defend you when his boys says something out of line about you. The one that is going to love you just because you are you. Let the right person have that chance instead of jumping towards the first one that gives you his attention.
How can we expect society to change their thinking and approach to us if we are not willing to change how we see ourselves? We are bigger in size, but we are just as strong, loving, friendly, helpful, and beautiful as the skinny women. Know that about yourself and make your mark on the world. Change begins with you. Change your thinking and then expand it. Most important, stop hanging around these people that are not really your friends. If you have friends that can hang out with you at the crib, but not in a public place, change friends. If they cannot step foot in a plus-size store because they are afraid of who might see them in there and see them in there with you, change your friends. If you feel uncomfortable around them (your feelings are ALWAYS on point), change your friends.
If we want society to stop making us look bad and feel bad, we have got to stop doing it to ourselves. So to the lady in the clip that I saw earlier, get up your strength to make a change. You can do it! Find your support system and make a change. To my other thick divas out there, if you are going through a situation, make a change. To all of the wonderful ladies of the world, if you are in a situation that isn’t right, make a change.
Stop being your own worse enemy! You never know, someone could be waiting on you to make that change so that they realize that they can do the same thing. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful chain reaction to start?
Ladies, share you story with me so that we can celebrate with each other. One person at a time, we are going to change how people look at us and what they think about us. Since change begins at home, let’s start here.