August 24, 2019

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Judging The Outside

"Gossip"My Outside Tells You Nothing About My Insides  


It’s funny how I can have a thought to write something and then see something that just makes me want to write. Last night, I wrote about clothing and how we were all guilty of judging people by the outside or appearance of their clothes. Well, I also promised that I would deal with physical appearance, but that it would be at a later date. Well, looks like today is that later date. Believe it or not, something that I read today just made me want to get this out in the open so much quicker than I have expected. Here goes…


Today, I read something that was asking people basically on a scale of 1 to 10 (one being unattractive), what would the person have to look in order for you to consider going out with them. Wow?! Have we really turned into that vain of a people or have we, unfortunately, always been like that? Now, I will be honest and say that I didn’t look at the results because the question itself really got under my skin. OK, ok, ok…I get that we are attracted to who we are attracted to. I could find someone attractive and you would be wondering why. That’s just the nature of the beast because we like what we like and we want what we want. However, when it comes to the public’s view of what is attractive, many of us will fall short. Yes, I included myself because I am far from what you see on the cover of magazines. The funny part is, what we see on magazines isn’t even real.


That leads me to my question. Why are we so caught up in being a fictional character instead of trying to be ourselves? We are all wonderfully made! Some of us have a little bit more body to love. Some of us have a little bit more hair to love. Some of have a little bit more of something to love. When are we going to realize that it is those little characteristics that make us each unique? We are so busy trying to look like the next person that we forget that we look fine being ourselves. Yes, I will keep saying we because I know that I am guilty.


Let me give you an example. Change this up anyway that you need to in order to make it work for yourself. When I go out with a group of people, I usually the largest one in the group. I know that and I own that. I would be lying to you if I said that it didn’t bother me. I workout, I watch what I eat, and I still can’t seem to make a dent in myself. When I go out, I always try to be a bit extra. I’ll put on a shorter skirt (because I do have great legs), or a lower cut top, or wear a certain color, and the list keeps going. I even will take the time to put on some make up. (For those of you that really know me, you know that it was even a fight for me to wear make up to any of my proms because that just isn’t the person that I am). After going through all of that, it’s time to go. I enjoy the time that I have with my friends and the laughs that we share, but I always manage to get my feelings hurt because no guy in the room wants to hang out with the thick chick and he will step over that chick just to get to her smaller friend. So, what’s the point of changing into this person when your body shape is still the same?


It doesn’t change anything. It just means that you take a little bit longer to get ready just to still be ignored. Long story short, stop turning into a character. The role that you are playing is fine.


It’s shameful that there can be a scale of 1 to 10 to base looks on. If you notice, I didn’t say that it wasn’t fair. It’s fair because everybody is entitled to their own opinion. However, let me give you another view.


Since I’m one of those people that would probably score somewhere between 1 to 5 just based on my size, let me tell you what I’ve learned. Since I’m not viewed as attractive by main stream society, I have learned that most people are not either. Since I know this fact, I try to look at other things. I don’t know, I guess you can say that I like to get to know people before passing judgement on them. For instance, I like to pick your brain. I like to know what music you listen to. I like to know your interests. I like to know your hobbies. I like to know your goals. I like to know your favorite color. I like to know little things that matter to you.


Seriously, if you didn’t know me, what would you think about me? Would you even wonder how smart I am and the type of education that I have? Would you take one look at me and not even care about that? Would you wonder if I was on some type of medication that made me gain weight? Would you wonder if I have a thyroid condition that caused me not to be able to lose weight (I don’t, but some people do)? Would you automatically assume that I had major health problems because of my size (I don’t have diabetes or high blood pressure)? Would you automatically assume the worst about me just because how I look?


Let’s talk about me. If you wouldn’t get the chance to know me just because of my size, you would miss out on my crazy sense of humor. You would miss out on my giving spirit. You would miss out on interesting conversations. You would miss out on knowing that I have designed two houses. You would miss out on knowing that I know how to design a road. You would miss out on knowing that I know how to design a mechanically stabilized earth wall. Honestly, you would miss out on the opportunity of knowing my little quirks. You would miss out on things about me that you cannot know anything about just from looking at me.


Let’s twist this around. What if I told you that I didn’t like you because you were tall? If I made that statement, the majority of my friends (and family, including my parents) would be null and void to me (I’m just under 5’4″). The people that I have in my life are amazing and I couldn’t see me taking them out of my life because they don’t look like me. I know some amazing people that I can call on and they will be there.


The really great thing? None of us look like each other, except on the inside! That is where the uniqueness comes in. It’s the differences that make us strong and ourselves. Since we are each different, we see the world in a different way. I can see the world from being a short, plus-size woman. I have one friend that can see the world from the view point of people thinking that she is too skinny. I have one friend that can see the world from the view that people think that she is too tall for a female. I have a friend that sees the world from a shorter view because she is shorter than me. I have a guy friend that can see the world from the view that he was too small to ever play football. We were created different so that we could all see things differently, but not negatively.


In all those differences though, there is one thing that we all have in common. Now I could go for the cliche’ that we all bleed the same, but I won’t. My view is that with all of our different outward appearances, our hearts are full of love and kindness to those that hurt us the most. Who hurts us the most? The main stream public because we don’t fit into their definition of beauty. It’s unfortunate that somewhere along the way, we have let it get into our minds that we are not beautiful because they told us that we weren’t.


So, what do we need to change? Well, I’m fine. Grant it, I’m trying to get into a smaller size, but even that size is still considered a plus-size. Either way, I don’t win with the public, but I can ALWAYS win with myself…and so can you! Change what makes you happy and if that means changing absolutely nothing at all, then change nothing. Make your own scale of 1 to 10 and mark yourself as a 10 every day that you take a breath. Enjoy your life and stop trying to create one that wasn’t meant for you. Make the best of the good, bad, and the ugly with life. It’s not always going to be perfect, but in its own way, it is always going to be right.


Shayla Em



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