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One Box Yes One Box No

I wouldn't go back to being a child, but I would like to experience the innocence and spontaneity of my childhood. Things were a lot easier. No, I'm not talking about the responsibility thing and not being concerned about how things were going to turn out. I'm talking about taking chances.

When we were younger, we felt like we could conquer the world. Many of us still believe that, but it's not on the large scale that we used to imagine. Need some clarity? Let me help you with that.

One of my favorite things to do as a child was to climb trees. I know, I know, I know, it's not exactly lady like, but I still enjoyed doing it. I fell out of a tree once. After realizing that I didn't have any broken bones, I climbed right back into the same tree. I didn't stop climbing until the trees were cut down. I definitely took a chance at getting back in that tree. A little sore and possibly bruised; the fall still didn't scare me enough to keep me down.

Anything that we imagined as children, we thought that we could do. It never occurred to us that our dreams were impossible until we got older and we either let reality set in or we let our innocence go.

When it came to wanting to know how someone felt about us or wanting to tell someone how we felt about them, the task was simple. The top half of the paper would read something similar to do you like me? The bottom half of the paper had two boxes. One yes and the other no. We would neatly fold that paper and send it on its journey to its recipient. It would go on its round trip and it would come back with a check in the yes or a check in the no. There was none of this nothing madness because believe it or not, we as children really didn't know what it was like to be indecisive because we weren't making the tough decisions.

Where did we lose that life? The life where it didn't matter what the outcome was, we were still willing to take whatever chance we had to take. When did we learn that hearing nothing was just as much of an option as hearing yes or no? When did we learn that sometimes, in order to keep things as normal as possible, that it was best to not tell someone how you felt even though deep down inside, you are dying to let them know? I don't have an answer for any of these questions. Honestly, I don't think that it would make a difference if I did have an answer.

The one common thing for all of us is this.  We grew up.  Some did it a little faster than others and some are still holding on to their youth. No matter what stage you are at, you have still grown up and the world has taught you that life doesn't end up like the fairy tales that we are so accustomed to as children. Relationships take work. Starting a relationship takes work. Even getting up the nerve to start a conversation takes a lot of work.

When I started writing this, I thought that it was going to go in a totally different direction. I thought that it was going to end up with me talking about 458 or 62 (I haven't quite figured out what number he is deserving of). However, the more I kept writing, the more solidified one particular connection became...growing up.

I'm not exactly sure when those pieces of paper stopped going around the classroom, but I know that they were a lot easier to deal with. Even if the paper returned to us with a check in box no, it didn't bother us. We either moved on to the next crush or we tossed it in the trash to never think of it again.

As adults, there are real feelings attached. As much as we want to move on to the next crush and never think about the person that rejected us again, neither happens that quickly. Those boxes were so easy. However, I must admit that even if I could, I wouldn't use the little piece of paper to get my point across to my crush today. In fact, I haven't even figured out how or even if I will ever tell him. This is the one thing that I know for sure...the boxes are gone.

Sunny T.